A few years later, I discovered Linda Goodman's Love Signs and realized astrology might help me navigate my love life. The book, called “the first astrological blockbuster,” was a self-help handbook for lovelorn astrology nerds. Goodman analyzes the love compatibility of each of the 12 sun signs.
Aries
Aries are fiery, extroverted. My experience shows they're terrific dancers. Despite his little stature and massive, three-inch platform sneakers, my salsa teacher was a dynamo with Big Aries Energy.
Taurus
Not Linda Goodman, but an astrologer told me I'd do well with a Taurus years ago. I quickly dismissed the concept as boring. Who wants a partner with their annoying quirks. After meeting a Taurus man, I didn't feel like I'd found my match. We shared several traits:
Gemini
Since many of my friends have been heartbroken by Geminis, this chapter should include a trigger warning. When my Gemini ex-boyfriend entered my DMs, I teased him about this. “You and I are the worst astrological match. We'll fail! I scribbled HAHAHAH with crystal-ball emojis.
Cancer
My Cancer men research is limited. I'm lucky to have a kind and loving Cancer father. Cancers are sensitive and often have high emotional IQs. The moon rules them and causes mood swings, Goodman notes. They feel intensely, therefore love wounds might take time to heal.
Leo
Big, warm-hearted Leos want to be the center of attention. Personally, I've always liked them. Despite my enthusiasm, Goodman doesn't find any common ground. One thing she sees is common loyalty. Fun fact: I dated a Leo with loyalty tattooed on his breast.
Virgo
As someone whose rising sign is Virgo, I appreciate that Virgo may be the most anally retentive sign due to their unfathomable perfectionism. A Virgo I dated organized his closet like a Ralph Lauren store:
Libra
Libras are attractive and level-headed. Goodman shows out Libra's beauty. She raves about their “satiny voices,” “gorgeous laugh,” “beautiful eyes,” etc. “A Libra smile is a deadly weapon that should be outlawed,” she writes.
Scorpio
Imagine Mowgli being entranced and nearly suffocated by Kaa, the clever boa constrictor, to understand the intricate Taurus-Scorpio relationship. Goodman describes this coupling as ominous: “The more quickly this horror is disposed of, the better.”
Sagittarius
In my love life, I avoid recycling the past. In my experience, second chances rarely improve. The Sagittarius guy is an exception. At a SoHo hip-hop party, I met him as an uncomfortable adolescent. Like a cougar, I was 22 and three years his senior.
Capricorn
Modest Capricorns are restrained. Earth indications are also reliable. So don't anticipate surprises. This Capricorn was generous. He always brought me a modest present when we met. After I stated on date two that my friend, a kind Virgo, had a newborn boy, he came up on date three with a Bloomingdale's package for the baby.
Aquarius
There are exceptions, but the ordinary Taurean girl unhappy with an Aquarian guy is more prone to destruction than he is, argues Goodman. I was in love with an Aquarius when I read these tragic words. My ex-boyfriend was gregarious, humanitarian, and uncontainable, fitting the sign's eccentric profile.
Pisces
Environmentally and astrologically, earth and water are compatible. The ideal Taurus-Pisces pairing is “magically pulled together in order to carry out the karmic balance of action and reaction.” Robert Browning (Taurus) and Elizabeth Barrett (Pisces) are the perfect example, according to Goodman. Barrett's father fiercely disapproved of their covert courtship.